Inside My Mind. (R.I.P. Thomas Shinigawa)

[22:19] jambamflimflam: it makes me realize
[22:19] jambamflimflam: we really
[22:19] jambamflimflam: have one life to live
[22:19] jambamflimflam: and we gotta take care of ourselves
[22:19] jambamflimflam: of others around us
[22:19] jambamflimflam: in need


[22:20] Il0: exactly
[22:20] Il0: my baby cousin
[22:20] Il0: he's 5 told me this:
[22:21] Il0: " say i love you to the people you love each and day, cuz sometimes we forget, and sometimes there's not enough time "
[22:21] jambamflimflam: fuck
[22:21] Il0: he's 5
[22:21] Il0: hella deep
[22:21] Il0: just cherish the moments you have w/ the people you love
[22:21] Il0: and realize that death isn't the end, but instead it's just like a really long sleep
[22:22] Il0: and when we wake up, we'll be in heaven
[22:22] Il0: saved by god
[22:22] Il0: it's not so much as a goodbye
[22:22] Il0: but more of just, see you later.
[22:22] jambamflimflam: man
[22:23] jambamflimflam: deep
[22:23] jambamflimflam: *that's deep
[22:23] Il0: ahah thanks
[22:23] Il0: nah i've just thought alot lately
[22:23] Il0: and im starting to take life by a different perspective
[22:24] Il0: it's god's will man.
[22:24] Il0: god knows best
[22:25] jambamflimflam: yeah
[22:25] Il0: as far as im concerned, we cannot let the sand and dust get in wedged inbetween the important things in life


[22:26] Il0: it's liek wtf dude.
[22:26] Il0: you ever have thoughts about like
[22:26] Il0: " what would happen if i died today "
[22:27] Il0: just to see what people's reactions would be
[22:27] jambamflimflam: yeah
[22:27] jambamflimflam: or that
[22:27] jambamflimflam: would people even miss me?
[22:27] jambamflimflam: what would i leave behind?

[22:30] jambamflimflam: i think separation
[22:31] jambamflimflam: is a bittersweet way of getting away
[22:31] jambamflimflam: or even to go as far as
[22:31] jambamflimflam: a bittersweet way of knowledge
[22:31] jambamflimflam: you step back
[22:31] jambamflimflam: you see what's going on
[22:31] jambamflimflam: but at the same time
[22:31] jambamflimflam: you yourself are putting yourself through pain that isn't meant to be gone through alone
[22:31] jambamflimflam: you sacrafice your own mental health
[22:32] jambamflimflam: to step back and see what is going on, or to see what you yourself are
[22:32] jambamflimflam: self-discovering leads to madness if you're at it too long
[22:32] jambamflimflam: i guess that's why god made partners
[22:32] jambamflimflam: a certain someone for another
[22:32] jambamflimflam: so that you wouldn't have to go through it alone
[22:33] Il0: damn
[22:33] Il0: now THAT'S deep shit
[22:33] jambamflimflam: man, this is all running through my mind
[22:33] jambamflimflam: i can't even control my breathing and stuff
[22:33] jambamflimflam: lmao
[22:33] Il0: forreal? fuck i feel you tho dude
[22:33] Il0: maybe this whole like
[22:33] Il0: strive
[22:33] Il0: for self discovery
[22:34] Il0: is only so because you and i are both like unable to admit that we need attention
[22:34] jambamflimflam: dude
[22:34] Il0: we lack that human companionship that we need to survive
[22:34] jambamflimflam: exactly
[22:34] jambamflimflam: it's cause we haven't been able to feel wanted
[22:34] jambamflimflam: in a long while
[22:34] jambamflimflam: so we separate
[22:34] jambamflimflam: and see what the big deal is about
[22:34] jambamflimflam: not knowing that it hurts even more
[22:34] jambamflimflam: inside
[22:34] Il0: exactly
[22:34] Il0: it's like
[22:34] Il0: if we're not getting the attention we deserve
[22:35] Il0: then obviously something is wrong with US
[22:35] Il0: and so
[22:35] Il0: we reflect on it
[22:35] Il0: on our selves
[22:35] Il0: trying to rediscover who we are
[22:35] jambamflimflam: mhm, that's when all the hate, judging
[22:35] jambamflimflam: and loathing comes in
[22:35] jambamflimflam: it's like it seeps into the cracks
[22:35] jambamflimflam: once it's in, there's a long process to get that shit out and purify the cracks so you can heal
[22:36] jambamflimflam: dude, this is just like the garden of eden
[22:36] jambamflimflam: y'know?
[22:36] jambamflimflam: how the tree of knowledge
[22:36] jambamflimflam: the want of knowing EVERYTHING
[22:36] Il0: yee yee
[22:36] jambamflimflam: causes damnation
[22:36] Il0: we try to understand everything
[22:36] Il0: but it's different
[22:36] Il0: in that we're trying to understand ourselves
[22:36] jambamflimflam: mhm
[22:37] jambamflimflam: how our ownselves work
[22:37] jambamflimflam: and of course
[22:37] jambamflimflam: everyone has different emotions
[22:37] jambamflimflam: differnt ways of thinking
[22:37] jambamflimflam: different situations
[22:37] Il0: yee
[22:37] Il0: you and i
[22:37] jambamflimflam: so it's even harder
[22:37] Il0: we think differently
[22:37] Il0: than others
[22:38] Il0: the nice guy
[22:38] Il0: good person
[22:38] Il0: good kid
[22:38] Il0: good everything
[22:38] Il0: optimists
[22:38] Il0: and yet
[22:38] Il0: horrible things happen to that person
[22:39] jambamflimflam: mhm
[22:39] Il0: for reasons unexplained
[22:39] jambamflimflam: that's what makes optimism so grand
[22:39] jambamflimflam: when the chips are down
[22:39] jambamflimflam: you just
[22:39] jambamflimflam: try not to give a fuck
[22:39] jambamflimflam: and smile
[22:39] jambamflimflam: stay positive
[22:39] jambamflimflam: and in that way of thinking
[22:39] jambamflimflam: you keep everyone else happy
[22:39] jambamflimflam: for a moment of time
[22:39] jambamflimflam: but on the inside
[22:39] jambamflimflam: your dying
[22:39] Il0: exactly
[22:40] Il0: nobody understands us because nobody understands just how much
[22:40] Il0: we try to please the world
[22:40] Il0: and please society
[22:40] Il0: that we dont have the time
[22:40] Il0: to please ourselves
[22:40] jambamflimflam: yes
[22:40] Il0: which is why we demand attention so much
[22:40] jambamflimflam: that's exactly the point
[22:40] jambamflimflam: it's like that whole
[22:40] Il0: because it's the attention that we've given
[22:40] jambamflimflam: expecting to give
[22:40] Il0: that hasn't been returned
[22:40] jambamflimflam: and get something back
[22:40] jambamflimflam: yeah
[22:41] jambamflimflam: i think sometimes
[22:41] jambamflimflam: to myself
[22:41] jambamflimflam: maybe
[22:41] jambamflimflam: we're just those people
[22:41] jambamflimflam: we're meant to give
[22:41] jambamflimflam: we're one of god's many good people that's here to just
[22:41] jambamflimflam: y'know
[22:41] jambamflimflam: keep the world up
[22:41] jambamflimflam: cause if you think of it
[22:41] jambamflimflam: the world cannot be held up by one hand alone
[22:41] jambamflimflam: there must be many hands that support the world when it falls
[22:42] Il0: yeah dude
[22:42] Il0: it's like
[22:42] Il0: god's our shepher
[22:42] Il0: shepherd
[22:42] jambamflimflam: mhm
[22:42] Il0: the world's the sheep
[22:42] Il0: but we're the wolves
[22:42] Il0: err
[22:42] Il0: the sheep dog
[22:42] Il0: that protect the sheep
[22:42] jambamflimflam: yee ahaha
[22:42] jambamflimflam: not eat them
[22:42] Il0: ahaha exactly
[22:42] jambamflimflam: but yeah dude
[22:42] jambamflimflam: fuck
[22:42] jambamflimflam: what if
[22:42] jambamflimflam: sometimes
[22:42] jambamflimflam: we weren't meant for anything in return
[22:42] jambamflimflam: would you still be doing this?
[22:42] jambamflimflam: y'know?
[22:43] jambamflimflam: that's what i've been having run through my mind
[22:43] Il0: i'd still be doing it
[22:43] jambamflimflam: exactly
[22:43] Il0: because it's the right thing to do
[22:43] jambamflimflam: yes
[22:43] jambamflimflam: it's the sole purpose
[22:43] jambamflimflam: of keeping the good vibe alive
[22:43] jambamflimflam: to keep the goodness alive


No one can understand what we've been through but ourselves.



The World cannot be held up by one hand alone, in case the world falls, there must be many hands to catch it, so it doesn't come crashing down.